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ShadowMerc
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Name: Steve
Birthday: 3/26/1985
Gender: Male
Interests: Guitar... sorta, except not really because a hobby would assume I have the slightest bit of talent, I should think. Oh well.
Expertise: Expertise, eh? Well, I'm a ninja! No, not really, but I can play some damn fine RavenShield. Are video games an area of expertise? Well, I guess they are now. Oh, and eating... darn, am I good at eating. Sleeping too! If sleeping were a class, I'd score extra credit!
Occupation: Research and development
Industry: Other
Message: message me
Member Since:
1/26/2004
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| After a trip to the doctor, it seems I didn't do any permanant damage
to myself. I had, at worst, a minor concussion, and the symptoms I had
been seeing were probably the result of a migrain induced by the blow
to the head, and not anything worse than that.
Oh, and that nurse that told me that the bruising was going inward was
wrong. The doctor said that it doesn't happen that way. I thought it
sounded kind of stupid at the time, but who am I to argue with a nurse.
Doctor Roberts, on the other hand, has every right to tell some dumb
nurse off.
So yeah, I'm okay. Just tired and a bit headache-y.
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| So yeah. The night before last, at work, I was climbing up a shelf to
get at a box. I had gotten the box down and was climbing back down when
I felt my fingers begin to slip. In my mind, there is no transition, no
falling, no cry for help, no desperate scrabble to try to catch myself.
In my mind, there is an instantaneous switch between that feeling of my
fingers beginning to slip and then lying on my back, the back of my
head pounding. It was at least a five foot drop onto concrete,
and I had hit hard enough that I got what is referred to as "retrograde
amnesia"... the loss of the second or two before the head trauma.
I worked through the rest of the night and actually felt fine.
I didn't report the accident at work because I was climbing on a shelf
and if they checked the video tapes and realized that, they could fire
me. I was aware that I could have a concussion, so rather than going
home, I went to Nate's house and had his mom check on me every hour or two.
At first, I was fine. I played some computer games, slept, etc. By the
time I would have been getting ready for work last night, though, I was
miserable. My neck was stiff as a board. I think it's from the whiplash
of hitting the ground. My head was throbbing, and the pain was
migrating between the back of my skull and behind my eyes. Finally,
about an hour ago, I even started throwing up. There is still no lump
where I hit the ground, which means the swelling is entirely on the
inside, going in the direction of my skull.
Now, twenty four hours after I arrived at Nate's house, I'm finally
going to see a doctor. Once I threw up, I realized there was really no
denying that I have a concussion and need to get it looked at. So yeah,
I'm feeling all right for now. The headache has subsided, the nausea
passed after I threw up, but I don't want to take any chances. Wish me
luck.
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| I'm absolutely terrified of making an entry anymore. I once promised
myself that I would be open and honest in this journal, that I wouldn't
pull punches or obscure the truth. The only barrier that could
ever have come between me and that goal was my parents finding out
about this journal, simply because I have to live a double-life when it
comes to them or else none of our (meaning my family) lives would be
tolerable as long as I'm around them if they knew who I truly was.
Now I find another barrier to that honesty. I have said things here
that have hurt people before. Generally, I felt that they deserved it
or I wouldn't have said it. I have, at times, apologized because I was
wrong... because I was drawing conclusions from the wrong sources, etc.
I have never, though, apologized for saying it in the first place, and
for saying it here, because I have never really learned to fear being
honest. Now there are things I want to say, that I feel so
strongly deserve a chance to be heard that I want to scream it all at
the top of my lungs or take out a newspaper ad simply to vent what I
have to say... but I can't. I can't because the cause and effect
goes unfairly beyond myself and anyone I would say anything to. The
ripples extend to people that don't deserve any of the crap they've had
flung at them. I am tongue tied not because I'm afraid of hurting the
guilty, but because the guilty take it out on the innocent.
I am tongue tied.
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| I would update more, if more happened. I work a lot. I go to school as
much as I'm supposed to (for once!). I play World of Warcraft and talk
to Sam online (and I've been cutting back on the amount that I combine
those activities. Go me for not being quite such a sucky
boyfrined).
The other day I hung out with an old friend, by the name of Sarah. It
made me feel good to get in contact with her again, because she's a fun
person and not someone I should've let slip out of my life in the first
place. Yeah. Now I just need to follow through on calling Kelpy again
and calling K. Hoffman for the first time, since it turns out she goes
to my college and I haven't seen her since high school.
That's really about it. I'm tired. Work is really starting to suck, and
I'm looking forward to putting in my two week notice on November 7th.
Otherwise life is good.
Let's see if I can manage to update more than once a month, hmm?
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| Yay for unproductive, rainy days. I like rain. That's not something
everyone knows about me, but I really truly enjoy the rain. I like
doing activities not commonly done in the rain, like biking, but I also
just like the rain in general.
It rained yesterday and today. Thundered and lightninged too. It makes
me feel mellow, like maybe I don't have to think so hard about
everything, all at once. It's calming, almost soothing. A nice change
of pace after work.
Now I will go play some Ravenshield and shoot people in the head. Yay for contradictions. ^.^
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